Do you know who you really are? – Being Confident and Energized Comes With Being Yourself

Do you know who you are?

In order to be energized every day and to have confidence and self assurance you need to have some inkling about who you are.  A lady I know recently revealed that she had left her seemingly happy marriage because she didn’t know who she was.

This is an uncomfortable position to be in because it means you are buffeted by the stream – always pushed this way or that because of others’ opinions.

To give you a small example of being influenced by others …

Joan Small Photos Collage

My various hairstyles

I have always coloured my hair, and worn it in different styles, short, mid length or long, and when it is long I sometimes tie it up.  My friends and others often comment on which style they prefer. Some will say, ‘I like your hair short’, others like it darker or fairer, and some prefer it long or tied back.

At times I have styled me hair to suit the person whose favourable opinion I most want at that time. However, I have now come to realise that it is impossible and downright silly to change my hair style because of what others say. I should be choosing for me – what I think suits me best, and varying the way I wear my hair depending on who I am and how I feel.

Can you see how this translates into larger things?

If we allow ourselves to put our own instincts and preferences after everybody elses; if we are always trying to please others and be how they want us to be we just lose ourselves. We end up not knowing who we really are.

Perhaps you have experienced times in your life when you felt you were not really yourself. This is what happened to me.

A Young Wife and Mother

Joan Small with Raymond and Robin

Young Wife and Mother

When children come along they bring out the best, and sometimes the worst, in us. I had grown up around a dominant father who was bossy, irritable and sometimes angry. My mother was the opposite, gentle, easily upset and sympathetic. So when I had my own children stressful situations caused me sometimes to become  irritable and angry, and at other times to dissolve into tears.

I am happy to say that most of the time I was even tempered, patient and loving. However, when these moods came upon me I felt that I was ‘not myself’. I had turned into someone else, and I didn’t understand what was happening and making me behave this way.

Awareness Allows Change

In one of my sortees into personal development I discovered that these mood shifts are because of taking on the personality of another person. In my case my mother or father. Once I became aware of this I could ‘catch myself out’ when I was going into these valances that were not the real me. As I took measures to handle stress in different and more positive ways, I became more of myself and a much easier person to live with.

Can you relate to this?

I have done a lot of personal development work over the years, and it has helped me to recognise that the real me is the best person to be. I know and like myself now, and this has helped me to gain the confidence I have in all situations.

It is also wonderfully energizing to know I am my own person and can choose for myself.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with becoming more of the real you.

Joan Small Being Yourself

Being Yourself - Click on the Link at the right ->

 Beautiful Thoughts to Help You Become More of Yourself – Click Here 

This powerpoint presentation is well worth a few moments of your time.  The suggestions are energizing and uplifting, the images absolutely beautiful and the music easy to listen to.  Pass it on to others when you have watched and listened to it, and help to make their day or their life.

 PS: If you want to ‘vote’ on which look you prefer in the above photos I will be interested in your opinion. (Not that I will allow it to over-ride my own preferences, of course.)

 Click on the title of this post and it will take you to another page where you can leave your reply. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.confidenceiskey.com/ to find out about my latest book, ‘Confidence Is Key’  or http://www.theenergybook.com

Posted in An Energized Life, be yourself, confident, energize, energized life, live with energy, Stress | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Energize Your Life with Something To Do and Something To Look Forward To

Create Your Own Energized Life

Something to do, something to look forward to and someone to love. This has been so oft quoted it may seem like a well-worn cliche, but variety truly is the spice of life, and having something interesting and different to do and look forward to every day is what gets us out of bed.

Who wants to do the same things every day? I know I don’t, so I deliberately create what I call ‘islands of enjoyment’.

cappuchino coffeeThese islands may just be small things. For instance, if I have been working at my computer all day I will walk over to the shopping centre where there is an excellent coffee shop, ‘shout’ myself a coffee and sit outside, alfresco on the pavement, watching the world go by and perhaps flicking through the newspaper or reading a book.

The combination of fresh air, exercise, tasty coffee and people-watching has an uplifting effect.

What is your ‘special small thing’ that will lift you out of feeling bored or ordinary?

A Hawaiian Workshop – Aloha

Hills of Kona Hawaii

Hills of Kona Hawaii

Dean Calloway’s mini workshop yesterday on the 7 Principles of The Hawaiian Way was about the 5th principle – Aloha. 

We started with a social chat in the adjacent coffee lounge (is there a coffee theme going on here?) next to the Crystal shop. What wonderful energy in this amazing shop filled with the most spectacular gemstones.

The session was very special, talking about how Aloha is not only a Hawaiian greeting but also a breathing technique and a way of sharing love and gratitude.

House Party

After that, I went on to a house party to celebrate 120 years – two 60th birthdays – of a husband and wife. This party was full of surprises. Starting outside, with a marquee in the yard, we moved upstairs for the meal, and this was followed by performances from singers, poets, guitarists,  and even tin whistles.  Interspersed was the chance to sing along with the music. I just loved it.

No Expectations

I had no special expectations of the day, but I was ‘looking forward’ to whatever it would bring.

Special occasions such as these are becoming more frequent in my life as I am thinking ahead, and planning islands of enjoyment. During the week I was at my writers’ group, and today is my wonderful poetry club – ‘Poetry in Paradise’. It seems that by ‘putting it out there’ the Universe is responding with even more magical happenings.

Try it. When you wake in the morning ask the question ‘What grand and glorious adventure will I be having today’. 

You will have heard the cliche ‘Life is what you make it’, but cliche or not it is true. Create your own islands of enjoyment now, and never be bored again.

Click on the title of this post and it will take you to another page where you can leave your reply. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.confidenceiskey.com/ to find out about my latest book, ‘Confidence Is Key’  or http://www.theenergybook.com

Posted in An Energized Life, energize, energized life, energizing, Relaxation, variety | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Energize Yourself With ‘The Hawaiian Way’ 11.11.11

Confidence in the Future  –  ’The Hawaiian Way’ – Dean Callaway

Kona Hawaii - The Hawaiian Way - Dean Callaway

Kona Hawaii

Today is the 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year (2011). It is   ‘Remembrance Day’ in Australia and at 11 am we will be observing one minute’s silence to commemorate those who died in WWI.

Equally as important as not forgetting the past is looking to the future with confidence and anticipating the wonderful things it can bring to us.

Elvis Presley is attributed with the quote:  ”For Happiness we need Someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to”, and what better day than 11.11.11 to create things in our lives to look forward to. This is a tremendously energizing thing to do.

What are you looking forward to? 

I have a few things – Christmas in Darwin with my son, his wife and three gorgeous boys, and in January a visit from another son and his family. This is the ‘someone to love’ part of Elvis’ quote; two amazing things to look forward to – and there is a third.

The Hawaiian Way, and a Hawaiian Tour – A Spiritual Journey

I talked about ‘variety’ in my previous post, and so I have created more variety and something to look forward to  for March 2012. I have booked for Dean Callaway’s 10-day ‘Hawaiian Way’ Spiritual Tour to Kona Hawaii.  The thought and visualisation of this trip is totally energizing. 

Dean is an advocate and teacher of the 7 principles of ‘The Hawaiian Way’ and is conducting sessions each week here on the Gold Coast to lead people through each of these principles.  They are IKE – Awareness; KALA – No Limits; MAKIA -Focus; MANAWA – Now is the moment of power; ALOHA – To love is to be happy; MANA- All power comes from within; and PONO – Effectiveness is the measure of truth.

These principles are a powerful way to live life, and Dean is the epitome of how they can be put into action.

King Kamehameha

King Kamehameha

I am so excited about going to Hawaii. We will not only be experiencing the many layers of Hawaiian life and spirituality by meeting the elders and having ‘talk story’, taking a trip to the City of Refuge, visiting a volcano and hieroglyph carvings, but also doing things just for fun, like snorkelling, learning to dance the hula, play the ukelele and make a flower lei.

Much of the enjoyment in something like this is the anticipation of the event, and you can bet I will be tapping into this amazing Hawaiian energy in the months leading up to the trip.

But, a word of warning about anticipation and ‘looking forward to’. It is also important not to have fixed ‘expectations’.  There is a certain way of anticipating an event, and that is with an open mind – allowing the Universe to provide ‘this, or something better’.  But Keeping in mind MANA – ‘all power comes from within’, and this helps us to generate the most amazing outcome.

The 7  Hawaiian Way Principles in Action

Using the 7 principles of The Hawaiian Way around the imagination of this forthcoming trip:

I can be in IKE – be aware that I can choose what I think,

and with KALA – put no limits on what will happen. Limits and limitations are not real.

With MAKIA – ‘energy flows where attention goes’, so I will maintain a positive focus on the Universe providing the best possible outcome for me.

MANAWA – now is the moment of power tells me that I must ensure that what I do today  will enable me to clear the way, financially and in other areas, to easily have this holiday.

ALOHA – if I am happy and count my blessings it will contribute to the good energy around the trip.

MANA - gives me confidence that I have the power within me to create the best experience,

and finally PONO tells me to do the greatest good I can now, and this will contribute to my abundance and ability to generate what I need to make this trip the best experience for me. 

View the video here

Dean’s series of 2-hour workshops on The Hawaiian Way are being conducted each Saturday between 3 and 5 pm at Mermaid Waters (Gold Coast, Australia). If you want more information about this, or the tour, email me at joan@joansmall.com 

What are you looking forward to?  Do you find it energizing? I would love to hear from you, so …

Click on‘Leave a comment’ in  the small grey print below to add your successes or share your opinions (or click on the title of this post and it will take you to another page where you can ‘leave your reply’ at the bottom of the post)

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.confidenceiskey.com/ to find out about my latest book, ‘Confidence Is Key’  or http://www.theenergybook.com

 

Posted in An Energized Life, confidence, energize, energizing, live with energy, variety | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Energize Your Life with Variety – Poetry Campfire

 Variety Is The Spice Of Life – and A Great Energizer

Sometimes life can become a little mundane and ordinary – like ‘Groundhog Day’. Then it is time to look around and do something different.

campfire to energize

A Campfire with Poetry To Energize

As a girl from the outback I’ve always loved campfires. My most memorable was out on the flat Barkly Tableland on the cattle station my friends owned – with brilliant stars above, Johnny Cakes cooked on the hot coals and fireworks to let off. The cows came in close to see what was going on, and their eyes shone in the darkness. Last Friday night was a similar event. 

Robbie and Alan - married 50 dears

Robbie and Alan - married 50 years

Organised by Dave ‘The Banjo’ Farrer (author of ‘An Australian Story or Two’ books one and two), the members of our fabulous ‘Poetry in Paradise’ club and some others sat around on logs or chairs, and took turns to recite or read poetry. There was a lot of fun and laughter – we have some classic poets in the club, and of course laughter is a great energizer too.

Roger the Dodger even had a trophy – a mini one, with a pixie standing on a piece of granite.

Roger and Ted Skuse

Roger presents Ted with the trophy for best poetry presentation

He had his own criteria for the judging, and presented the pixie to someone who recited his own poetry – a newbie to the group, Ted Skuse.

It turned out Ted and I had something in common – not just the fact that we both like writing and presenting poetry, but that we lived in Australia’s Northern Territory at the same time. He was in Alice Springs and I was 500 kms north in Tennant Creek.

But back to the energy. What an energized mob it was – sitting around that campfire and sharing our special craft. Bob Dever,  the ‘Mudgeeraba Budgerigar’ even gave us his rendition of the didgeridoo.

Alan and Robbie were celebrating their 50 years of marriage too – and they still look happy.

To top it off, we had fresh hot damper with Cockey’s Joy (Golden Syrup – a bushie’s custom) and home made rock cakes baked by Dawn. The evening was balmy. I couln’t stop grinning – it took ten years off me I’m sure. ‘In my element’ describes the way I felt.

We stayed well past Dave’s bedtime. No-one wanted to go home.

Bob Dever plays the didgeridoo

Bob Dever plays the didgeridoo

So next time you are feeling a little low, bored or out of sorts, get out and do something different. You will find it an energizing experience.

If you fancy yourself as a poet, or would like to come and be part of the poetry ‘fan club’ we meet on the Gold Coast (at Southport). To find out more go to: http://tiny.cc/6xspr

I would love to receive your feedback, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.confidenceiskey.com/ to find out about my latest book, ‘Confidence Is Key’  or http://www.theenergybook.com

Posted in An Energized Life, energy for life, fan club, laughter, live with energy, poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Beat Stress to Energize Your Life – Book Review

Energy, Confidence and Stress – ’28 Days To Beat The Blues™ – Michelle Mark & Wayne Parrott’ – Book Review

28  Days To Beat The Blues - Michelle Mark & Wayne ParrottHow is Stress Related to Energizing Your Life and Having Confidence?

For a start, you can’t maintain your energy if you are stressed.  Lack of confidence and low self esteem go hand in hand.

Wayne Parrott and Michelle Mark, know this only too well, as they have helped more than 4000 people to reduce stress on a daily basis through the Fountainhead Method.

The book they have written together, called: 28 Days To Beat The Blues™ – A practical guide to reducing stress,  is more than just a book – it is a program to be undertaken over a 28 day period with specific outcomes. Testimonials and case histories demonstrate the efficacy of this program.

The book is easy to read with diagrams and relevant illustrations to take readers through a step by step program to being able to manage stress and change their lives.

The chapters are:

Chapter 1: Power of Thought
Chapter 2: Life, My Teacher
Chapter 3: Incorrect Beliefs Around Goals
Chapter 4:  What is Stress?
Chapter 5: Get Your Life Right
Chapter 6: Goals, Your New Medication
Chapter 7: Working My Way Out of Stress
Chapter 8: My Personal Development
Chapter 9: 28 Day Plan to Beat the Blues™

Since 2002 Wayne has been welcoming guests to the Fountainhead Organic Health Retreat in Maleny (Sunshine Coast) Queensland.
Wayne’s story is of his inspirational mother and her battle with cancer, which led him to look for the cause of illness. He was not restricted in his thinking by a university education, but was strongly influenced by meeting and being influenced by  many life-changing healers such as:

  • Patch Adams
    Patch Adams

    Patch Adams founder of the ‘Gesundheit Institute’ where therapy centres around compassion humour and play

  • Nathan Pritikin, author of “The Pritikin Program for Diet and Exercise”. The Pritikin Longevity Center and Spa offers controlled diet, counseling in lifestyle change and exercise in a resort/spa-type setting. Pritikin had a decades-long fight with leukemia but obtained remission for 27 years. 
  • Norman CousinsNorman Cousins author of ‘Anatomy of an Illness’ who recovered from a life threatening illness by developing a program incorporating megadoses of Vitamin C, along with a positive attitude, love, faith, hope, and laughter induced by Marx Brothers films. 

I have written about the influence of Patch Adams and Norman Cousins on attitudes to ‘laughter the best medicine’ in my book ‘The Energy Book For Life’

I will be checking out Wayne and Michelle’s methods in person, and will keep you posted. In the meantime, I will be writing on ways to reduce stress and gain more Energy for Life in forthcoming posts.

I would love to receive your feedback, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.confidenceiskey.com/ to find out about my latest book, ‘Confidence Is Key’ .

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Confidence is Key – The Ebook by Joan Small

 I am so excited! Today I finally finished my ebook called ‘Confidence Is Key’.  

Confidence is Key - Joan Small Ebook

Confidence is Key - Joan Small Ebook

This has been in the pipeline for nearly two years, but I am a great believer that timing is everything. I had to continue further along my own pathway before I was ready to commit what I had learnt to a book.

With the last 12 months of studying Internet Marketing, meeting a myriad of new and talented people and overcoming challenges – some of them like ‘boulders’ in the road, I now feel I can confidently position myself as an expert on the subject of how to gain confidence.

Read more about the book here.

  I would love to receive your feedback, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’
Coming soon, ‘Confidence – The Key To Success in Life and Business’

 
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From A Wild Life to Succeeding With Confidence – Interview with Aldwyn Altuney

Aldwyn Altuney Tells Joan Small How She Gained Confidence and Energized Her life

It was my pleasure to interview my good friend Aldwyn Altuney, an energized young lady who is fun loving, on the go, and never too busy to smile, be friendly and encourage others. 

Aldwyn is a photojournalist,  a Corporate Communications Consultant and Director of AA Xposé Media – also the founder of Animal Action Day annual event on the Gold Coast, Australia.

Bikini Parade

Recently, just for fun, Aldwyn wore her bikini to join hundreds of other bikini clad ladies who gathered on the Gold  Coast’s Glitter Strip to set a Guinness World Record for the biggest-ever bikini parade. 357 was the winning number.

This shows the level of energy and confidence Aldwyn has attained.

Not Always Confident

Aldwyn was born of European parents and felt she didn’t fit in, growing up. Despite being successful academically at school and even making the Australian Table Tennis team, she was not confident socially and during one period of her life even wanted to drop out altogether.

Wild Lifestyle

As a teenager she left home and moved in with other teens who were into alcohol, drugs and a wild lifestyle. Some were suicidal.  Aldwyn went through the gothic/punk/hippie sub cultures trying to find out where she fitted. It was a dark space. The sad family situations showed her the life she didn’t want to lead. 

A Life Changing Decision

At this point, Aldwyn made a decision that she wanted to live an empowered life and make a difference in areas that mattered to her,  such as animal action and environmental issues.

She moved on, went to University in Canberra, acquired a media degree and found the media a great way to get powerful messages out. The more she realised she could step up and make a difference  and the more she could help others to make a difference the more confidence she had to keep going and follow her path. 

Make Time For Yourself

Along the way Aldwyn has had to learn to nourish and nurture herself – go to the beach, sunbake and swim in the ocean, have a massage and so on. She feels it is important to make time for herself to re-energize and re-charge.

Personal Development

Aldwyn attributes much of her confidence to the personal development programs she has undertaken. They helped her see the limiting behaviours that were stopping her from moving forward.

Now she finds she doesn’t take it personally when other people hit her with negatives.  Awareness is one of the keys, and when negatives do come her way she can easily discern which is her stuff and which belongs to others and not take it on board. 

Aldwyn recommends personal development, and also hanging out with entrepreneurs and like-minded people. Having a great network around you and building your personal fan club is really important.

Alwyn Altuney can be contacted at www.aaxpose.com or on Facebook, Twitter and Linked In.

 I would love to receive your feedback, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’
Coming soon, ‘Confidence – The Key To Success in Life and Business’

Posted in An Energized Life, confidence, de-energize, energy for life, fan club, interview, live with energy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Interview with Leanne Ardern – From Shy Child to Confident Energized Business Owner

Joan Small talks with Leanne Ardern on How To Gain Confidence

I met Leanne,  Managing Director of Astro Visual, at the 3-day workshop I attended with Glenn Walford on ‘Branding With Your Book’.

Fear of Rejection

 Leanne grew up as a shy child who would cower in the corner and not want to talk to people. She feared rejection because she was told she could never be any good - she was ‘just a girl’.

The Need To Change

As an adult working in a business she realised that she would have to step up and become more confident if she wanted to succeed. Her husband encouraged her and she found mentors who also helped her make the change she needed to.

Stepping Up

She went to networking events, and took the bold step of doing her first 60 second introduction – a difficult challenge for her. However, she kept putting herself out there and just having a go, until it became easier, and her confidence increased.

An Easier Road With Confidence

Leanne has found that since she gained more confidence she does not have to work so hard, she connects more easily with the right people and opportunities appear. Instead of a 16 hour day she is working a 6 hour day. 

She has realized that people don’t judge you, they want you to succeed. So just stepping up and ‘doing it’ makes a difference.

Be like Leanne and step up with confidence. You will find it will energize you, and give you more enjoyment and success in your life. To read more about Leanne go to www.astrovisual.com.au/

A New Book On The Way

I am writing my book about ’Confidence, The Key to Success in Life and Business’  and it is nearly finished.  Watch this space.

I would love to hear from you, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living

Posted in An Energized Life, confidence, energized life, interview, live with energy | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Choose Your Fans to Gain Confidence and Energize Your Life

Being On One’s Own Can Be De-Energizing

Is this a true statement?
A
re there times when it is fun to be alone?
Perhaps you have experienced some, such as when you are…

  • reading a good book
  • meditating
  • gaining some restful sleep
  • focussing on something you want to learn or do
  • walking in nature

You can probably add to the list.

Standing Alone With Confidence

Standing Alone With Confidence

Being alone and being lonely are not necessarily the same thing.

However, I think you would agree that being alone too often or for too long depletes the spirit – it’s de-energizing.

I met a friend for coffee yesterday and I shall call her Renee. She told me she had made the decision to let go of the so-called friends who were not serving her. Renee is a giving and caring person, but she had come to realise that some of the people she was spending time with were takers and were draining her energy.

Although she feels good about her decision, Renee is finding this interim period hard to cope with, as she now has to seek out like-minded people who will support her to replace the people who she is letting go out of her life.

This is like ‘recruiting a Fan Club’.

These days I am very clear about who I invite into my Fan Club, and I have no hesitation in letting people move on when they deplete my energy.  This can come about if they do something that betrays my trust, or is hurtful in a serious way. I am not too quick to judge, because I know that none of us is perfect, and that includes me. We are all ‘diamonds in the rough’ and sometimes we have to put up with a bit of the rough that overlays the diamond.

My grandmother used to say:

All the world’s a little queer, excepting Thee and Me …
And even Thee’s a little queer

Unlike this saying, I recognise that I am a ‘little queer too’.

However, I do use my ‘gut feeling’ to tune into the energy that I feel when around another person, and this helps me determine the degree of ‘queerness’ (or lack of integrity really) that they have.

My motto is ‘Choose only those things that energize you and you will be energized for life’.

Being mutual Fans requires an outward as well as an inward flow. When recruiting Fans I keep in mind that the flow goes outward as well as inward. The poster I had on the back of the toilet door when my boys were growing up said: ‘To have a friend, be a friend’. Sometimes we even have to give a bit more before we receive.

The trick is to recognise when the flow is imbalanced

When we are giving much more, or receiving much more then it is time to look at whether this is a real Fan Club.

Australia's Melbourne Cup

Australia's Melbourne Cup

With Australia’s Melbourne Cup coming up, I was talking to my brother about going to his house to watch the race. He said, ‘If you want to bring some interesting people they will be welcome’. 
When I asked him to clarify, he said ‘You know what I mean. Not boring people’.
My reply, ‘I don’t know any boring people’.

This is true. In the wide circle of friends and fans that I have, not one of them is boring.

I am amazed sometimes at the fascinating people I know and like, and who also know and like me, in the true sense of the word. They are willing to put up with my faults and foibles, just as I am willing to put up with theirs, and we support each other through the good and the bad.

Getting back to my friend Renee who is a spiritual person and draws on her higher power for guidance, she asked this power which people to let go of and which to keep. (This is similar to what I do with energy – the ‘gut feeling’ or intuition). She told me that I was one of the few ‘keepers’. This made me feel very privileged and special. It also confirmed that I am on the right path and have been living with more integrity as I truly am.

Do you have a Fan Club? 

Do you have people around you that you know will encourage and uplift you, and who energize you when you are together?

What qualities would you like to see in your Fan Club members?

Are you still recruiting fans, or are you content with the circle of true friends you have?

Are your family members your fans?
This last is a tricky one, which I will write more about later.

I would love to hear from you, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living

Posted in An Energized Life, confidence, de-energize, energy for life, fan club | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

7 Key Strategies For Confidence and Energy

Let Go of the Fear and Shine With Confidence

Joan Small Toastmasters Tall Tales Winner Confidence in Speaking

Toastmasters Tall Tales Winner - Confidence in Speaking

In my previous blog I gave you two strategies to help recover your confidence.

  1. Change your environment, your friends, your peers – the people you spend most of your time with, if they are undermining your confidence.
  2. Act as if you already have confidence in the area you lack it.
    These two things will help you handle your current situation. But how do you handle your past?  How do you get out of your head the memory of situations where you have been laughed at, teased, put down, and times when you have fallen short of your own or others’ expectations.

The three most harmful emotions are shame, blame and regret.

  • Shame is being ashamed of something you have done – feeling that you shouldn’t have done it. In some way you have not lived up to your own or other’s standards. You may even feel ashamed to be yourself.
  • Blame is putting the cause for something onto another person – not taking responsibility for yourself. By blaming another, we give power to that person.
  • Regret is a way of turning something back on itself by wishing it hadn’t happened. Regret is harmful because we are trying to wipe it out by going back to it in our minds. It’s a case of intending to do something good and we did bad instead. By playing it over in our minds we are trying to erase it, but it doesn’t work, it just keeps us trapped in the past.

These three things – shame, blame and regret – all from the past, will undermine confidence in the present.

In order to be truly confident we must let go of the past and the negativity from it, and be truly in the now. That way we can ‘be’ the person we are and live in the moment – the best way to be energized and the most effective way to remain confident.

Sure, we may still make mistakes, say something that doesn’t come out the way we want it to, but if our intentions are good, we are clear on who we are and we speak sincerely from the moment, then the message we project will be accepted, or at least respected.

Sure, it sounds easy, but how do we clear the mind of these negative and harmful thoughts that jump up at us when we are least expecting them?

In  my case, I read a lot of personal development books and went to courses, and even did some ‘processing’ (therapy) to help me get clear of negative thoughts and emotions and to forgive myself and others for incidents in the past. It can take a lot of time, but it doesn’t have to if the willingness is there to let go of the baggage.

Awareness that we are carrying baggage is the first step.

Awareness is an energizing and magical thing. It’s like a small ‘Aha’ moment, when we can suddenly observe and recognize something that we haven’t acknowledged before.

A simple exercise

  • Write down some of the things that are holding you back in feeling confident in certain areas.
  • With each one, observe as if you were another person, particularly taking note of your role in the incident. Be as detailed as you can about when the incident took place and where, what form it took, and particularly your own role in it.

When I did this with the relationship between my father and myself I could see that his intent was good. Years later he was shocked to find that his behaviour towards me had held me back.

It only held me back because I allowed it to – I gave my power away to him, and I continued to allow memories of the past to hold me back for years. It wasn’t until I had a good look at the situation that I realized I was using my insecurities to punish him and myself.  I was making excuses for my failure, and giving my power away.

Moving on from the past

After I did my teacher training, many years ago, I became  confident in front of my classes of small children, and even in running the junior school assembly. With encouragement from one of the other teachers I took my turn playing the piano for the assembly too. I knew that the children were not critical, and as long as I kept them entertained they would respect me, and give me their attention.

However, expressing my opinion at teacher staff meetings was a different thing. I experienced all the symptoms of extreme nervousness:  heart palpitations, shortness of breath, inability to think clearly and express my thoughts in words. This came from my past experience, the shame, blame and regret I was holding onto.

A Speaking Club

When a Toastmistress Club was formed  in my small town, I became one of the founding members. By facing my fears, standing up in front of adults and expressing my opinions and ideas, I became more confident in speaking up at staff meetings.

What I implemented to develop confidence were the following:

  1. I changed my environment, my  friends and my peers
  2. I became aware of what was holding me back
  3. I took steps to clear my mind of the shame, blame and regret that were limiting me
  4. I began to Act as If  – and joined a group that would allow me to practice doing this. 
  5. I faced the fear of speaking up, to
  6. I became proud to be myself and responded in the moment, without allowing the past to affect me.
  7. I acquired a Fan Club

I will speak more about #7 in my next post.

I still belong to International Toastmasters, and this wonderful organisation has enabled me to go from strength to strength in speaking. I actually enjoy and am energized by standing up in front of a group of people when I have a message to deliver, and I have even learned to speak in an entertaining and sometimes humourous manner.

In my next post I will reveal more  strategies to gain confidence and energy.

What strategies have you used to gain more confidence. Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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