Interview with Leanne Ardern – From Shy Child to Confident Energized Business Owner

Posted on October 24, 2011 by Joan Small

Joan Small talks with Leanne Ardern on How To Gain Confidence

I met Leanne,  Managing Director of Astro Visual, at the 3-day workshop I attended with Glenn Walford on ‘Branding With Your Book’.

Fear of Rejection

 Leanne grew up as a shy child who would cower in the corner and not want to talk to people. She feared rejection because she was told she could never be any good - she was ‘just a girl’.

The Need To Change

As an adult working in a business she realised that she would have to step up and become more confident if she wanted to succeed. Her husband encouraged her and she found mentors who also helped her make the change she needed to.

Stepping Up

She went to networking events, and took the bold step of doing her first 60 second introduction – a difficult challenge for her. However, she kept putting herself out there and just having a go, until it became easier, and her confidence increased.

An Easier Road With Confidence

Leanne has found that since she gained more confidence she does not have to work so hard, she connects more easily with the right people and opportunities appear. Instead of a 16 hour day she is working a 6 hour day. 

She has realized that people don’t judge you, they want you to succeed. So just stepping up and ‘doing it’ makes a difference.

Be like Leanne and step up with confidence. You will find it will energize you, and give you more enjoyment and success in your life. To read more about Leanne go to www.astrovisual.com.au/

A New Book On The Way

I am writing my book about ’Confidence, The Key to Success in Life and Business’  and it is nearly finished.  Watch this space.

I would love to hear from you, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living

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Choose Your Fans to Gain Confidence and Energize Your Life

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Joan Small

Being On One’s Own Can Be De-Energizing

Is this a true statement?
Are there times when it is fun to be alone?
Perhaps you have experienced some, such as when you are…

  • reading a good book
  • meditating
  • gaining some restful sleep
  • focussing on something you want to learn or do
  • walking in nature

You can probably add to the list.

Standing Alone With Confidence

Standing Alone With Confidence

Being alone and being lonely are not necessarily the same thing.

However, I think you would agree that being alone too often or for too long depletes the spirit – it’s de-energizing.

I met a friend for coffee yesterday and I shall call her Renee. She told me she had made the decision to let go of the so-called friends who were not serving her. Renee is a giving and caring person, but she had come to realise that some of the people she was spending time with were takers and were draining her energy.

Although she feels good about her decision, Renee is finding this interim period hard to cope with, as she now has to seek out like-minded people who will support her to replace the people who she is letting go out of her life.

This is like ‘recruiting a Fan Club’.

These days I am very clear about who I invite into my Fan Club, and I have no hesitation in letting people move on when they deplete my energy.  This can come about if they do something that betrays my trust, or is hurtful in a serious way. I am not too quick to judge, because I know that none of us is perfect, and that includes me. We are all ‘diamonds in the rough’ and sometimes we have to put up with a bit of the rough that overlays the diamond.

My grandmother used to say:

All the world’s a little queer, excepting Thee and Me …
And even Thee’s a little queer

Unlike this saying, I recognise that I am a ‘little queer too’.

However, I do use my ‘gut feeling’ to tune into the energy that I feel when around another person, and this helps me determine the degree of ‘queerness’ (or lack of integrity really) that they have.

My motto is ‘Choose only those things that energize you and you will be energized for life’.

Being mutual Fans requires an outward as well as an inward flow. When recruiting Fans I keep in mind that the flow goes outward as well as inward. The poster I had on the back of the toilet door when my boys were growing up said: ‘To have a friend, be a friend’. Sometimes we even have to give a bit more before we receive.

The trick is to recognise when the flow is imbalanced

When we are giving much more, or receiving much more then it is time to look at whether this is a real Fan Club.

Australia's Melbourne Cup

Australia's Melbourne Cup

With Australia’s Melbourne Cup coming up, I was talking to my brother about going to his house to watch the race. He said, ‘If you want to bring some interesting people they will be welcome’. 
When I asked him to clarify, he said ‘You know what I mean. Not boring people’.
My reply, ‘I don’t know any boring people’.

This is true. In the wide circle of friends and fans that I have, not one of them is boring.

I am amazed sometimes at the fascinating people I know and like, and who also know and like me, in the true sense of the word. They are willing to put up with my faults and foibles, just as I am willing to put up with theirs, and we support each other through the good and the bad.

Getting back to my friend Renee who is a spiritual person and draws on her higher power for guidance, she asked this power which people to let go of and which to keep. (This is similar to what I do with energy – the ‘gut feeling’ or intuition). She told me that I was one of the few ‘keepers’. This made me feel very privileged and special. It also confirmed that I am on the right path and have been living with more integrity as I truly am.

Do you have a Fan Club? 

Do you have people around you that you know will encourage and uplift you, and who energize you when you are together?

What qualities would you like to see in your Fan Club members?

Are you still recruiting fans, or are you content with the circle of true friends you have?

Are your family members your fans?
This last is a tricky one, which I will write more about later.

I would love to hear from you, so please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living

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7 Key Strategies For Confidence and Energy

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Joan Small

Let Go of the Fear and Shine With Confidence

Joan Small Toastmasters Tall Tales Winner Confidence in Speaking

Toastmasters Tall Tales Winner - Confidence in Speaking

In my previous blog I gave you two strategies to help recover your confidence.

  1. Change your environment, your friends, your peers – the people you spend most of your time with, if they are undermining your confidence.
  2. Act as if you already have confidence in the area you lack it.
    These two things will help you handle your current situation. But how do you handle your past?  How do you get out of your head the memory of situations where you have been laughed at, teased, put down, and times when you have fallen short of your own or others’ expectations.

The three most harmful emotions are shame, blame and regret.

  • Shame is being ashamed of something you have done – feeling that you shouldn’t have done it. In some way you have not lived up to your own or other’s standards. You may even feel ashamed to be yourself.
  • Blame is putting the cause for something onto another person – not taking responsibility for yourself. By blaming another, we give power to that person.
  • Regret is a way of turning something back on itself by wishing it hadn’t happened. Regret is harmful because we are trying to wipe it out by going back to it in our minds. It’s a case of intending to do something good and we did bad instead. By playing it over in our minds we are trying to erase it, but it doesn’t work, it just keeps us trapped in the past.

These three things – shame, blame and regret – all from the past, will undermine confidence in the present.

In order to be truly confident we must let go of the past and the negativity from it, and be truly in the now. That way we can ‘be’ the person we are and live in the moment – the best way to be energized and the most effective way to remain confident.

Sure, we may still make mistakes, say something that doesn’t come out the way we want it to, but if our intentions are good, we are clear on who we are and we speak sincerely from the moment, then the message we project will be accepted, or at least respected.

Sure, it sounds easy, but how do we clear the mind of these negative and harmful thoughts that jump up at us when we are least expecting them?

In  my case, I read a lot of personal development books and went to courses, and even did some ‘processing’ (therapy) to help me get clear of negative thoughts and emotions and to forgive myself and others for incidents in the past. It can take a lot of time, but it doesn’t have to if the willingness is there to let go of the baggage.

Awareness that we are carrying baggage is the first step.

Awareness is an energizing and magical thing. It’s like a small ‘Aha’ moment, when we can suddenly observe and recognize something that we haven’t acknowledged before.

A simple exercise

  • Write down some of the things that are holding you back in feeling confident in certain areas.
  • With each one, observe as if you were another person, particularly taking note of your role in the incident. Be as detailed as you can about when the incident took place and where, what form it took, and particularly your own role in it.

When I did this with the relationship between my father and myself I could see that his intent was good. Years later he was shocked to find that his behaviour towards me had held me back.

It only held me back because I allowed it to – I gave my power away to him, and I continued to allow memories of the past to hold me back for years. It wasn’t until I had a good look at the situation that I realized I was using my insecurities to punish him and myself.  I was making excuses for my failure, and giving my power away.

Moving on from the past

After I did my teacher training, many years ago, I became  confident in front of my classes of small children, and even in running the junior school assembly. With encouragement from one of the other teachers I took my turn playing the piano for the assembly too. I knew that the children were not critical, and as long as I kept them entertained they would respect me, and give me their attention.

However, expressing my opinion at teacher staff meetings was a different thing. I experienced all the symptoms of extreme nervousness:  heart palpitations, shortness of breath, inability to think clearly and express my thoughts in words. This came from my past experience, the shame, blame and regret I was holding onto.

A Speaking Club

When a Toastmistress Club was formed  in my small town, I became one of the founding members. By facing my fears, standing up in front of adults and expressing my opinions and ideas, I became more confident in speaking up at staff meetings.

What I implemented to develop confidence were the following:

  1. I changed my environment, my  friends and my peers
  2. I became aware of what was holding me back
  3. I took steps to clear my mind of the shame, blame and regret that were limiting me
  4. I began to Act as If  – and joined a group that would allow me to practice doing this. 
  5. I faced the fear of speaking up, to
  6. I became proud to be myself and responded in the moment, without allowing the past to affect me.
  7. I acquired a Fan Club

I will speak more about #7 in my next post.

I still belong to International Toastmasters, and this wonderful organisation has enabled me to go from strength to strength in speaking. I actually enjoy and am energized by standing up in front of a group of people when I have a message to deliver, and I have even learned to speak in an entertaining and sometimes humourous manner.

In my next post I will reveal more  strategies to gain confidence and energy.

What strategies have you used to gain more confidence. Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below to add your successes or share your opinions.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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How to Energize Yourself With Confidence

Posted on October 17, 2011 by Joan Small

Living With Confidence Can Energize You

How To Have Confidence and be energized

How To Have Confidence and be Energized

But how do you gain that confidence in all areas?

In my previous post I mentioned seven areas that my survey participants said they lacked confidence in.

They were:
1. In Social Situations
2. Speaking in front of an audience
3. Handling new stuff – particularly new technology
4. Speaking with their work colleagues, bosses
5. Applying for jobs
6. Change – taking on a new business or major life change
7. Positioning themselves as ‘experts’ in their areas of expertise

Fears Around Confidence

In my survey people said they feared:

  • rejection,
  • looking a fool,
  • not being intelligent enough,
  • asking dumb questions,
  • not knowing how to do something, or where to start,
  • being judged for the way I am
  • speaking about myself 
  • the future.

Not Being Good Enough

All of these things equate to fear of rejection – of not being good enough to live up to your own or others’ expectations.

Rejection of ourselves is the worst fear – if we constantly judge and criticize ourselves there is no way we can be confident with other people.

Our fear often comes from past experience. 

In my case it stemmed from my father, who frequently cut my communication – nothing I said seemed to be good enough or worthy of his attention. He would interrupt, put me down or get angry. This would cause me to cry, which he couldn’t handle, so I would retreat and ‘sulk’. For years I was too quiet and shy to cope well either in social situations or in front of groups. My older sister always seemed to be cleverer, better or brighter than me.

Even now, if I hear someone being praised highly, I have to stop myself from taking it personally – translating it to mean I am not as worthy.

A Situation in the Present that De-energizes You

anger undermines confidence and de-energizes

Anger undermines confidence and de-energizes

You  may be in  a situation right now that is reducing your self esteem – at home, at work or amongst your peers.

Who do you spend most of your time with? 

Who do you choose as your friends? Are they supportive and encouraging, or do they put you down – perhaps in jest, pretending it is just fun?

One of the worst things we can do to children as they grow up is to constantly tease them – make fun of them and expect them to laugh. It may be funny to the person dishing out the teasing, but not to the recipient, and constant teasing can easily destroy self-esteem.

I often watch the TV series ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ because of the interplay of personalities, and the way the various characters use put-downs or underhanded remarks  to manipulate and get their way. I am fascinated to see how Deborah survives in this dysfunctional family without losing her confidence or self-esteem. It is a very clever script.

The Intent Behind the Words

If you observe people, you can pick up the intent behind the words, and this can help you to immunize yourself against the barbs. I had to learn how to do this.

You may be in a seriously toxic relationship that is making it impossible to express your true self.

A lovely friend has written a book about the years she spent in a loveless relationship and how it drained her energy and reduced her abilities in many ways. After 29 years of marriage she chose to leave this situation and has since been able to blossom and shine her light in ways she would never have believed possible. Her book is called ‘Choosing To Cross The Line’ and her website  jocelynleckie.com.au.

If you are currently living with, or closely associated with, someone who constantly undermines your confidence then you may have to look at parting your ways.

If Your Lack of Confidence Comes From Past Experiences

There are strategies to use if you want to move on from your previous shyness, lack of confidence or inability to express yourself.

Giving the Appearance of Confidence
I don’t want to say ‘Fake it till you make it’ because I believe ‘acting as if’ is not the same as faking it.

If you observe what confident people do and how they present themselves, and you emulate them, acting as if you were already confident, people will invariably begin to treat your differently, which in turn will help to increase your confidence.

Becoming a ‘New Person’

When I went to Teacher Training College I had to board, as my home was in the country. I moved into a YWCA (Young Women’s Christian Association) Hostel where many other teacher trainees were staying. I decided to start afresh as a new person, and even changed my name to Joanne.

My room was in the centre of a long corridor, so most of the new residents had to pass it on their way to their rooms. I stood in the doorway and introduced myself as Joanne  to anyone walking past who looked like a student. Before long I had several new friends.

I repeated this on the first day of Teacher’s College amongst my co -students, and so built up another circle of friends.

Before long I had about 16 girlfriends. Some of us went to the local church and met some young men, and they joined our group.

Because I had pretended to be outgoing and confident, I was treated this way.

I was invited to spend holidays with my new friends in the country, and we went to parties, camps and other interesting things. My three years at College were a wonderful social time where my confidence continued to expand.

Did I Change Overnight?

No. I still suffered insecurities, but I had wonderful friends to support me and help me through the difficult times. I was able to leave behind the comments and criticisms of the past, to pretend and practice confidence in many different situations.

It was only when I went back home and was again under my father’s influence that I would slip back into the old ways.

Strategies To Gain More Confidence

Based on my experience back then, and how it has worked for me many times since, I recommend two things to begin overcoming your confidence issues:

1. Change your environment, your friends, your peers – the people you spend most of your time with, if they are undermining your confidence.

2. Act as if you already have confidence in the area you lack it. Observe other confident people and what they do and say, and imagine what that would be like if you did it. Then practice stepping out of your comfort zone. Make the first move. 

Baby steps are good at first. Don’t take on something too big. For instance, I didn’t decide to walk into a room full of people I didn’t know as my first step. I approached people one at a time. (It took me a lot longer to be able to go into that room full of people. More about that later.)

The important thing to remember is, if you get rebuffed it is probably not your stuff. Other people have their own reasons for not wanting to be approached. If you get knocked back just move onto the next as soon as possible. ‘Get back into the saddle’ so to speak.

However, if you put a smile on your face and approach in a friendly manner it is very likely the other person will respond the same way.

I would love to hear of your experiences approaching and talking with people you don’t know and how it energizes you. Please click on the link below that says ‘Leave a Comment’ and let me know.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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How Lack of Confidence Can De-Energize You

Posted on October 14, 2011 by Joan Small

 Do you have confidence, or are you de-energized by  lack of confidence in some areas?

Confidence Creates Energy - Dance Like No-one Is Watching

Confidence Creates Energy Dance Like No-one Is Watching

 I conducted a survey of my peers and was surprised to find that, even though most of them seem successful and happy in their lives, there were areas where they felt they needed to be more self confident.

Lacking confidence drains our energy. Conversely, lacking energy drains our confidence.

I wrote a book recently called ‘CFS in Men’ with a lovely guy called Max who had always had a lot of energy and zest for life, but after a series of stressful work situations he found himself feeling constantly tired, unable to get out of bed in the morning, achy and totally lacking in energy.

Max was eventually diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – a disease which appears to be on the increase because of the stresses of our modern society.

As you will know, if you have been reading my posts, I believe that stress is largely responsible for most, if not all,  illnesses and disease in the body. Certainly in Max’s case his work history clearly showed the increasing levels of stress leading up to the time when he ‘went down’ with the disability.

But illness and disease aside, lacking confidence can have an instant or long term de-energizing effect.

The main areas where my survey participants lacked confidence were:

  1. In Social Situations
  2. Speaking in front of an audience
  3. Handling new stuff – particularly new technology
  4. Speaking with their work colleagues, bosses
  5. Applying for jobs
  6. Change – taking on a new business or major life change
  7. Positioning themselves as ‘experts’ in their areas of expertise

Do feel you lack confidence in any of these areas?

What are the underlying fears around lack of confidence?

The most common fear is the fear of rejection.
Someone told me that the fear of rejection goes back to our ancestors. Life and survival depended on being part of the group and having the support of others in it. When that support was withdrawn and the group member was rejected and outcast he died.

So instinctively, when we are rejected, we feel like we are going to die.
This undermines our confidence. We may be fearful of being an individual, exposing our true selves to others in case they disagree, ridicule or shun us.
How to overcome this?

Low Self-esteem is more prevalent than you would think. Scratch the surface of even the most charismatic or confident person you may find something in the past that has contributed to the feeling of low self esteem. Celebrities and movies stars and examples of this, compensating for their lack of confidence by taking drugs, alcohol, or become recluses.

There are strategies to overcome lack of confidence, to raise your energy levels and give an air of confidence that will attract confidence from others.

In my previous post I talked about the importance of posture – standing and sitting tall. In future articles I will expand more on how to raise your innermost self esteem and emanate confidence.

In the meantime, you may like to answer these questions:

  1. Do you lack confidence?
  2. In what area/s do you lack confidence?
  3. What are the underlying fears that create this lack of confidence? (e.g. fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking foolish, fear of making mistakes, not believing you are good enough etc.)

I invite you to leave your results in the ‘Leave a Comment’ box below. I moderate all comments, so if you don’t want it to be made public let me know.
I am writing a book about confidence, and your  response will help me to make it more relevant.

Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below and provide the answers to the questions above.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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Posture, Confidence and Energy

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Joan Small

It is said that if you want to project confidence and energy you can ‘Fake it Till You Make It’

Joan Small fancy dress

Dressed beautifully but looking sad

People now find it hard to believe that when I was young I had no confidence at all. I was a shy child who would cry at the drop of a hat. I found it hard to make friends and socialize at school so I was a ‘loner’. 

It’s interesting how kids are like dogs with intuition. They seem to  ‘smell’ fear, low self-esteem and insecurity. It is almost as if they are afraid it might be catching. With dogs, if you  approach  with confidence rather than fear there is far less chance of being growled at or bitten. The same applies with people.

What about that saying ‘You never get a second chance to make a first impression’.

What is a ‘first impression’ – is it an instinctive response to what we are projecting?

They say that people assess you  55% of the time by your body language, 38% by your voice and only 7% by your words. This assessment – judgement if you like – is usually sub-conscious. We can often tell from a glance what energy another person has, and his or her level of self esteem.

In my previous post I talked about good posture and how it can aid the body’s systems and enhance energy.There is more to it than that, because standing tall and straight, looking people in the eye and using open gestures instills confidence in ourselves and attracts confidence from other people.

This is where some would say, ‘Fake it till you make it’. 
But  does faking it really work?
To a certain extent it does.

Standing tall, for instance, will help you open up your lungs and breathe more deeply – I have talked about the many benefits of proper breathing.

  • Relaxing your shoulders at the same time will relax your whole body and allow you to drop your hands down, and only raise them when you are making natural gestures to go with your words. The body language expert, Alan Pease, will tell you that crossing your arms across the body puts up barriers between you and other people. Clasping or wringing hands is a dead give-away showing lack of confidence, stress and tension.
  • Relaxing and standing tall enable the body’s systems to work properly – all the circulatory systems do their job – circulating blood throughout the body – the skin looks healthier and eyes brighter with blood and oxygen.
  • Proper breathing also circulates lymph – vital to cleanse and detoxify the system and boost the immune system.
  • A healthy body will always project more energy and confidence.

What happens to the voice?

Standing tall and breathing properly provide the oxygen in the lungs to project the voice.

In my Toastmasters club there are some people with soft voices. How do they stand?  Certainly not strongly.  How do they breathe – not deeply.

My friend, the singer, Deborah Leigh-Russell knows how to project her voice through good posture and deep breathing. She is also a Drama teacher and a trainer.  I went to a series of her drama courses at one time and she had excellent exercises to help us project our voices and create vocal variety.  She had us walking around the room saying Abba babba babba, Acca Cacca cacca – etc right through the alphabet. Of course we laughed so much we filled our lungs with oxygen too.  Being ridiculous in front of our peers can increase our confidence.

Laughing at ourselves and finding that it endears people to us rather than repelling them is great for confidence.

Posture, confidence and energy go together.

If you handle your posture, use open gestures, breathe deeply and focus on the other person rather than yourself your confidence will build and you will find that being yourself in front a wide range of people will become easier and easier.

The energy and enjoyment you obtain from this interaction will be enormous.
Try it and let me know of your results.

 Confidence
A magic ingredient, key to success
Is confidence. This is the truth, not a guess.
The person with confidence emanates grace.
Her posture is strong, she’s a smile on her face.
She holds up her chin so her voice projects out,
And all can hear clearly there’s no need to shout.
She knows what she’s saying before it is said,
Because she’s researched and it’s all in her head.
No need to reflect on the words she will say.
Which means she can look in your eyes all the way.
To engage, fascinate, take you on her path,
Involve and inspire, encourage to laugh.
With the confident one you are willing to trust
To avail of her service is surely a must.
So if you aspire to be lover or friend
Gain confidence now and you’ll come to that end.
(c) Joan Small

More about Confidence, Energy and Posture to come.

Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below and tell me what you have found works for you.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

Posted in An Energized Life, confidence, live with energy, posture, Relaxation | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good Posture to Energize

Posted on October 12, 2011 by Joan Small

Stand Tall and Sit Tall to Energize – My Wise Mother’s Deportment Advice 

Me at 3 years old with my back to the camera - already the same height as my sister

What has posture to do with energy, or the energizing breathing I talked about in my previous post?

I will answer by telling a story:

As a child I quickly caught up to my sister in height, although she was 20 months older than I. My father would say, ‘We need to put a brick on your head’, so I got the idea it was not a good  thing to be as tall as my sister.

However, my wise mother was intent on getting me to stand up straight and walk with dignity. She went to a Deportment school in Perth set up by June Dally Watkins, who was Australia’s Model of the Year in 1949.  There are still June Dally Watkins modelling schools in Australia today.

Walk With a Book on Your Head

Mum would get my sister and me to walk with books on our heads so that we could maintain correct posture and walk smoothly and graciously.

I aspired to being a model, and grew to 174 cms ( 5 ft 8 1/2  inches) tall. I too went to deportment classes,  but never became a model – I was a school teacher instead.

During the years of my teacher training I carried heavy bags of books on one side of the body (we didn’t use backpacks as students do these days).

Several boyfriends were the same height or shorter than me, so I began to slouch to reduce my height. By the time I married a man a couple of inches shorter than myself I had gotten into the habit of standing on one leg with one hip to the side, and when I had babies I carried them on my hip quite often too.

Over the years my poor posture twisted my spine resulting in back and hip problems. It has only been in recent years that I have focused on returning my skeleton to its natural state.

Deep Breathing and Posture

You will remember that I said, in order to breathe deeply you have to relax your shoulders – even slouch. By this I don’t mean letting the head drop forward.

When I made regular visits to a chiropractor a few years ago he showed me a macabre object he had on his desk. It was a large transparent ten pin bowling ball with a replica of a human skull inside it. When I took it in my hand it felt so heavy. (An average adult head weighs somewhere between 4.5 and 5 kg, and constitutes about 8% of the whole body mass.)

Why does this matter?

Because this is the weight that the neck and spine have to hold up.
If the head, neck and spine are in proper alignment, then this is not a problem, but if we allow the head to fall forward, it puts tremendous stress and tension on the spine and all the muscles around it.

This is what was happening to me, and this is what happens when we sit incorrectly at a computer. The tendency is to let the head fall forward.
What has this to do with energy?

Pain, tension and stress on the body reduce energy, creating constant tiredness. The internal muscles become constricted and the bodies systems – based on flows – cannot function properly.

By standing and sitting tall, but allowing our shoulders to drop down in a relaxed manner, we are giving the body the best chance to regenerate energy with breathing and functioning properly.

Deborah Lee-Russell

Deborah Lee-Russell

My friend Deborah Leigh-Russell, a beautiful coloratura singer, says that a good way to remember how to stand tall is to imagine a string at the top back of the neck (the base of the skull) pulling you skyward, like a puppet. This will help you hold your head high but with your chin down in the correct position. As a singer it is important to breathe properly, and standing tall like this keeps the airway clear and allows the lungs to expand properly.

Posture at a computer

When seated at the computer your screen should be at eye level. Beware of those laptops and computer tablets that encourage you to be looking downwards.

If you are at the computer for any length of time, make sure you have a properly designed ergonomic chair, and that you sit back – not slump forwards. Your keyboard must be low, so that you put the least amount of strain on your arms and shoulders when typing.

Because of the hours and hours of time we spend on computers, our bodies can suffer from RSI – Repetitive Strain Injury – not so much from repeated movement these days, but from incorrect posture.

Posture Tips – What I do

  • I use my webcam to check on myself every hour of so, to ensure I am still sitting properly. I keep it minimised, and every now and then flip it up to check how I am sitting.
  • I have a natural  lambskin on my seat to cushion it and prevent pressure sores from sitting for too long.
  • I remember to breathe deeply, as explained in my previous post, and I have frequent breaks to stretch my muscles, exercise and drink water or herbal tea.

My body is by no means perfect, but my posture is much better than it was a few years ago when the chiropractor showed me how I had allowed myself to decline.

Along with my better posture, my energy levels have risen too.

Take up the challenge – Stand Tall – Sit Tall and maintain good posture to energize you.

What Are Your Posture Tips?
Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below and tell me what you have found works for you.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

 

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Do You Breathe Like A Baby – Energize, Be Happy And Healthy

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Joan Small

Relaxation Is Good, But Relaxation With Breathing Energizes, Youthens and De-Stresses

breathe like a baby to relax and energize

Breathe Like A Baby To Relax And Energize

In my previous blog I talked about my brush with Cancer and how I used relaxation, along with other things to recover from it.

I used four main strategies and they worked for me. It is more than 25 years since I had the malignant lump removed from my breast and I haven’t had a re-occurrence.

These are the four strategies I used:

  1. First I examined my lifestyle, and more importantly my attitude. I realised that some of my actions were causing worry and stress, so I handled these by making changes. Not only was I trying to fit too much into my life, but I was having a problem with a few people I had to deal with on a regular basis. I had to find a way to cut back on my workload and handle the upsets.
  2. Secondly I increased my nutritional intake and supplements daily.
  3. The third action was to re-read ‘Relief Without Drugs’ by Dr Ainslie Meares and carry out the relaxation techniques for an hour morning and night. The meditation exercises had a calming effect and made the day flow more smoothly. Some people call the state I go into the Alpha state. I have since attended a workshop on Alpha and learned how to use it in the whole of life to make things flow more easily, to increase efficiency and to reduce stress.
  4. The fourth thing I did was to let go of negative self-talk and change my thoughts to the positive, uplifting and optimistic. This has been a much longer journey, and even now I occasionally find myself dropping back into old patterns of thinking, especially self-criticism, but I am aware of myself doing it and can quickly ‘change my mind’.

That was back in the 1980s, and since then I have lived through many challenging circumstances.

After lapsing for a while, I re-discovered meditation and its value, but even more importantly I discovered deep breathing.

Controlled Breathing

Some people will tell you to do ‘controlled breathing.’ One technique is to say ‘in’ when you breathe in, and ‘relax’ when you breathe out. Another method says breathe in for 3 and out for 3.

Tony Robbins’ breathing method is:
• Breath in for 1 count
• Hold for 4 counts
• Breath out for 2 counts

For example – if you were to breath in for four seconds, then you would hold your breath for sixteen seconds and then breathe out for eight. He suggests doing this this ten times, three times a day (morning, evening and before bed). One of the real benefits I obtained from listening to Tony talking about breathing, was to learn the effect breathing  has on the lymphatic system, and therefore health and energy. More about that later.

The Breathing Method That Worked For Me

About three years ago, I met a lady here on the Gold Coast called Helen Johnson, a naturopath who has devised the ‘Johnson Breathing Technique’.

This breathing technique  made such a huge difference to the stress and tension I was carrying, especially around my neck, shoulders and upper arms (see previous post – ‘Being Energized and Looking Younger With Relaxation’).

The beauty of The Johnson Breathing Technique is that it changes the way we breathe all day, not just at specific times like ‘three times a day’, before sleep, when meditating / relaxing etc.

Of course it is still necessary to practice it until it becomes natural.

Helen says in her book ‘Natural Stress and Anxiety Relief’: ‘We were born breathing the right way and the physical body will easily go back to it if we let our learned conditioning go. The physical body is not made to run on adrenaline all the time; we have programmed it to run on adrenaline and we can change the patterning’.

What she means by ‘running on adrenaline’ is, that when we are stressed the body’s fight or flight mechanism clicks in and adrenaline is released throughout the system. This is not good for the body.

The Johnson Breathing Technique is simple but not easy. It requires some practice to change the body’s programming.

The simple steps in brief are:

  • Place your hands one on top of the other – palm to the back of the other hand – three finger-widths below the belly button.
  • Allow your stomach and abdominal muscles to fall outwards / forwards towards your thighs and allow your shoulders to drop down and forward, just relax them, in other words – slouch. … Many of you will feel the tension go out of your neck, shoulders and back if you can relax these muscles, immediately releasing neck, shoulder and back pain. (This was the case with me).
  • Start by taking a breath in – inhale, then, as you breathe out (exhale)  use your hand to push, gently, the lower abdominal muscles in towards the spine. .. as if you are pushing the air out of your lower abdomen (power center) rather than from your lungs alone. At the same time, pull your muscles in towards the spine. 
  • Then let the muscles go so that the body can breathe in again. When you relax your gut muscles you will feel the air going right down into your stomach. Push your lower abdominal muscles out from the inside to help the natural action.

In summary – pull your lower abdomen in to expel all the air from your lungs, and push the lower abdominal muscles out to allow the air to fill up your lungs completely.

It takes a bit of coordination at first, but if you start by practicing the breathing lying down, and then sitting up comfortably and straight –  also while meditating - you will find after a while it comes naturally. Helen suggests using the technique constantly for six weeks to re-educate and re-program the body.

This is our natural way of breathing, and after a while you will find you can do it while driving the car (great de-stressor in traffic), while walking, exercising or just going about your daily routine.

For a full description of the Johnson Breathing Technique or find out more visit http://www.johnsonstressrelief.com.au/ and you may choose to buy the book which contains a more detailed description of how to do the breathing.

What Does Correct Breathing Do For Me?

  • Allows me to get rid of the stress and tension around my neck and shoulders. This not only relieves pain, but I feel more energized, youthful and attractive
  • Calms my mind and my thoughts
  • Enables me to better handle stressful situations  – to ‘respond’ not ‘react’ when I am faced with negativity
  • Helps me maintain a healthy weight.
    The list is endless.

We don’t call it ‘the breath of life’ for nothing.

If we learn how to breathe properly – as we did when babies – then we will not just live, but enjoy life more, be healthier, happier and more energized.

Relaxation and correct breathing go together. Give it a try, and do let me know your thoughts and results.

Live with Energy
Joan
Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com/ to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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Being Energized and Looking Younger With Relaxation

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Joan Small

Relaxation and Stress - Feel Younger, Look Younger, Have More Energy

relaxation to feel and look younger and be energized

Relaxation shows in the neck - Before and After (At Left 2002, At Right 2011)

 We all have stress in our lives, but how can we handle it, and how can we prevent it from making us feel and look older?

In the 1980s I had a brush with Breast Cancer, which resulted in a biopsy and then an operation in which a malignant lump was removed from my left breast. The surgeon was confident that he got all the harmful cells, but I was scheduled for follow up scans three months later.

What is the Cause of Cancer

I will get into a controversial arena if I make firm statements about the causes of cancer, but I can express my beliefs and you have the right to agree or disagree. (I would love to hear what you think).

My belief is that Cancer, along with other diseases of the body, is caused and created by stress. I also believe that it is important to look after our bodies, but in this blog I am dealing just with stress as a cause.

When the cancer showed up I set out with this belief in mind  to make sure  it didn’t return,  and it hasn’t.

I have been free of any symptoms for more than 20 years, without medical follow up treatment.

What did I do?

The first thing was to look at what was causing the stress in my life and eliminate / handle it.

The second thing was to practice relaxation techniques so that I could continue to handle stress when it came up.

I found a wonderful book called ‘Relief Without Drugs’ by Dr Ainslie Meares. Morning and night, I spent an hour relaxing. It was amazing the difference this made in my life. Not only did it help to prevent the cancer returning, but it helped me deal with stressful situations more effectively. (This out of print book can be bought on the internet for between $70 and $200 – an indication of how valuable it still is.)

Forgetting How To Relax

However, as often happens, once the crisis is over and life catches up we can forget to do the things that are good for our health and well-being.  This happened to me, and I fell off the relaxation bandwagon. After I moved to Australia’s Gold Coast in 2001 I became immersed in many challenging situations – and the stresses showed up in my body.

Where do you carry your stress? 

With me, it is mostly in my neck and shoulders. In fact, many years ago a physio- therapist (physical therapist) gave up on my entirely because she tried everything to un-knot the knotted muscles. She tried hand massage, an electrical machine to ease the tense muscles, and she even put me ‘on the rack’ to stretch out my back – all to no avail.

Neck Tension – Looking Older

In the first picture above, taken in about 2002, you can see that the tendons around my neck are standing out with the stress and tension I was carrying.

 Relaxation Plus Deep Breathing

About 18 months ago I re-discovered the value of relaxation along with deep breathing.

The benefit of deep breathing is that I can do it all day, not just night and morning. Once I learned the technique I have been able to practice it so that it becomes second nature to me. 

In the second picture (above) taken recently, you can see how much more relaxed I am around the neck area. No longer do I have that ugly ‘chicken neck’ that clearly shows that I am tense and stressed despite the smiling face. I not only feel more energized and relaxed, I feel and even look younger.

In my next blog I will write more specifically about the breathing technique, how and when to practice it, and the physical and energizing benefits it can have on your life too.

Live With Energy
Joan

I would love to hear your views about this, or other blogs I have written. Please Click on ‘Leave a Comment’ below.

Visit:  http://www.theenergybook.com to find out about my book, ‘The Energy Book For Life – The Guidebook To Energized Living’

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Energized Age – An Oxymoron?

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Joan Small

Is ‘Feeling Young While Growing Older’ an Oxymoron?

I love receiving feedback on what I write.  One of my beautiful friends was a little taken aback with the title of my previous blog – ‘Feeling Young While Growing Older’. It seemed like an oxymoron   – two  contradictory terms appearing side by side in a sentence – a combination of two lots of words that are completely opposite in meaning.

oxymoron

An Oxymoron is Two Contradictory Ideas in one Sentence

Phrases such as ‘found missing’, ‘genuine imitation’,  ’alone together’,  ’sweet sorrow’,  or even ‘temporary tax increase’ may be considered oxymorons.

The oxymoronic aspect of ‘feeling young’ and ‘growing older’ may jar,  but it is exactly what I wanted to portray. I aim to show that it is possible to feel young while growing older.

I talked about ‘energized age’ in a previous article but I failed to define it. As there is no known definition I will create one.

What I mean by ‘energized age’ is : the age you are as demonstated by your energy – the amount of zest for life you have, the amount of interest in the world around you and other people, and your ability to cope with change and challenges and to bounce back from adversity whatever it may be.

What ‘energized age is not’ is the number of years you have lived.

Is it possible to feel young while growing older in years?

Natasha Jones Psychic Medium
Natasha Jones Core Energy Centre

I talked with Natasha Jones, Psychic Medium about age, energy and synchronicity. To Hear the short recording click on the following link: Talking With Natasha Jones  Psychic Medium 

(http://www.coreenergycentre.com)

Like Natasha I believe it is possible to feel young while growing older, and there are some definite strategies we can use to maintain that youthful feeling. I will outline them in my blog posts over the next days or weeks.

In my previous post I talked about the survey I undertook to see if I would live to 100, and the stress factors that can influence our health and state of mind.
The ability to live long and healthy relates to stress,  as stress affects the body’s chemicals, producing more adrenalin and cortisol, which put strain on the heart and other organs, and these two chemicals also reduce our immune systems.

So the first thing to do to maintain a youthful energized age is to eliminate, handle or control stress.

Stress is usually a result of the past or the future – remembering bad incidents from the past, or imagining bad things that may happen in the future.

Neither are real in the Now. Most of the time our problems are not in the present time. So why worry or fear things that are not here and now?

Of course, if there is a present time problem – lack of money, pain or illness, relationship problems, it needs to be handled. But reducing the stress around the situation will help produce a solution.

How to handle and reduce stress:

  • Breathe Deeply – practice deep breathing while relaxing the shoulders so that this becomes the normal way to breathe.  Let the stomach out when you breathe in and pull the stomach in when you breathe out.
  • Meditate – practice the deep breathing while you do – clear your mind of worrisome thoughts.
  • Get into Motion – You don’t have to go to the gym to get your body moving. Find fun ways to do it.
  • Take action – if you have a real present time problem – take action to fix it, make changes, seek help etc. Action drives out fear.
  • Put some fun in your life
  • Seek support from friends and family
  • Let go of the people in your life who are not supporting you.

These are just a few ways to start eliminating the stress and recovering that youthful energy.

You will find your energized age is younger without stress in your life.

What are your favourite strategies to de-stress?  What works for you?

Click on the link below to leave a comment below to let me know whether you think ‘Feeling Young While Growing Older’ is an oxymoron – a contradictory statement.

Live With Energy
Joan
For more, visit http://www.theenergybook.com/
This book contains more than 100 natural energy boosters to help reduce your Energized Age.

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